i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
