Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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