Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
