She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
