remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
