i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
