I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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