So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
