i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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