your parents love me but you hate me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
