I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
