worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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