You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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