There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
