drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You took a bar mat shot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize