I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So much rum. So many feels.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
