I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
