Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
