Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
