Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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