I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
there's paper in my vomit.
handjob tips. give me some.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
