Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
