He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
