Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
