you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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