there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
