too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
