Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
