why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
