Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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