If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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