I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
