Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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