Only a mothe r could love this liver
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
