I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
