I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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