yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
