i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
