I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize