Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
