he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
