wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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