dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
