My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
