he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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