You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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