i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize