I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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