My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
