I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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