Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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