true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
