Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
