I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you never un-have a 4some
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize