Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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