I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
