Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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