Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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