sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
