omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize