since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
