Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
