Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
