I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
